Welcome to Marriage During the Coronavirus – The New York Times

My husband, a far bigger information sponge than I am, is more measured. He knows when to stop reading headlines, go make dinner, and fix himself a drink. (Actually, on the cocktail front, were pretty similarly aligned. So thats good.) Hes not wearing his stress. Hes a thermos bottle you cant discern the temperature of the contents inside whereas Im more of a mood ring.

This dynamic is a familiar one in our relationship. When Donald Trump was elected, my husband and I had a running argument.

Me: You are underreacting.

Him: No, Im not. You are overreacting.

So now, here we are again, with each of us assuming our familiar positions on the tennis court. I asked Perel what she made of it. Her reply was one of the wisest Im sure to hear in this time of upheaval.

If you polarize and you think that theres only one way to do things, she said, its fake certainty. The whole point is that youre discovering it along the way.

Which means that when couples clash over strategies and coping styles, its important to remember that both parties within reason, of course are right. Or potentially right. Each person deserves a hearing. Theres really no way to know.

This one drop of insight, to me, was everything akin to the moment in high school chemistry class when youre titrating a solution and the stuff in the beaker goes from pink to clear.

In most times of crisis, we can turn to others for succor and comfort. In this particular crisis, were strongly encouraged if not forced to self-isolate. That puts an enormous burden on our partners. Even under the best of circumstances, we can tire them out with a familiar soundtrack of stories, observations, and anxieties.

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Welcome to Marriage During the Coronavirus - The New York Times