Reclaiming time lost to Covid – The New York Times

A note to our readers

Two years ago today, the World Health Organization declared the Covid-19 outbreak a global pandemic. A week before that, this newsletter was born. Since then, weve been on a journey together braving waves of infections, experiencing sickness and loss, mastering the art of protecting ourselves, and continuously learning about a wily virus that seemed to surprise experts at every turn.

As the Omicron wave fades in the U.S. and as the W.H.O. begins exploring how and when to call an end to the global pandemic were making changes to this newsletter too.

Beginning next week, we will be switching to a less-frequent schedule, landing in your inbox Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We may pop in more frequently when theres big virus news you need to know about, or even return to a daily schedule if needed. Well also be using this change to cover the most important topics in more depth, bringing you insights from the Times newsroom and beyond.

Before we dive into todays newsletter, I want to say thank you to everyone who has followed along with us these last two years and express special gratitude to those who have written in to share their experiences. Im looking forward to navigating the next phase of the pandemic with you.

Jonathan

Looking back on the last two years may trigger feelings of anguish about missed opportunities, derailed life paths and lost time. But what if there was a way to get some of that time back?

For some perspective on time lost during the pandemic, and what we can do about it, I spoke to Tim Urban, the author of the blog Wait But Why. Our conversation has been condensed and lightly edited.

How should we look at time lost during the pandemic?

People are more resigned to having lost the time to Covid than they should be. People underestimate not only the amount that they can make up, but they can also get into a habit that multiplies the amount of time they have left with people they love and doing the things they love.

How so?

If you actually pick up a calculator and you calculate the amount of quality days or hours you spend with the people you love, it can look like a pretty depressing number.

So for example, I realized that living in a different city than my parents, I probably spend 10 quality days with them a year. Then I thought about the fact that my whole childhood, I was with them almost every day. So it hit me that 95 percent of the days I have with my parents in my life happened in my childhood. If I spend another 10 days a year with them, that adds up to about another year total over many decades.

Theres nothing I can do about human life spans, but the cool thing about that number whether with time spent with friends, family or a relationship is that you can change it, by huge multiples, just by changing the order of your priorities.

How does that work?

So, for example, if you see your parents 10 days a year, you can make it 20, whether its by coming home a few extra weekends or spending an extra week with them during the summer. You could also make 10 into 100 if you want to make a big change and move to the same city.

How should people think about missed opportunities during the pandemic?

When we look back on our life, we often see a branching tree of lives that we could have lived, paths that we could have gone down, things that we missed. And we often wallow in regret about these things. But you can also take that exact same reasoning and apply it to the future. What lies ahead of you is a lush tree of open life paths. They all belong to you at this moment and theres nothing stopping you from going in one of those directions.

So its so easy to look at the pandemic as a bunch of missed opportunities. But the further you go into the future, the less important these two years will become. If you can use the pandemic as a splash of cold water, or a slap in the face, and pick your life path and make better decisions going forward, you can look back and say, because of those two years, my life took a better course.

Whats something you lost over the pandemic and how have you tried to get it back?

My grandmother is 96, but shes still with it. Shes great to talk to and shes got great stories and a lot of wisdom. And during the pandemic, I wasnt really able to see her because she was on lockdown and because of her age, it was too dangerous.

March 12, 2022, 4:26 p.m. ET

But those lost moments actually spurred me to do something Ive wanted to for a long time. I took a recorder to her and recorded a bunch of stories from her. Thats exactly the kind of thing you want to do but just dont. So in some ways, making up for lost time during the pandemic can actually spur you to make really important decisions that maybe you should have made a long time ago.

We asked readers about the opportunities they missed because of the pandemic. Your responses were particularly touching this week. Thank you to all who wrote in.

I ended a relationship right before the pandemic and didnt feel comfortable dating during, given health concerns. Covid effectively wiped two years off my dwindling fertility clock, so Ive now started the process of pursuing single motherhood using donor sperm and artificial insemination. Its not the vision I had for my future, but I cant afford to wait. With supportive family and friends, I will make it work. Sarah, Boston

My father died in October 2019. In February 2020, I made a plan to honor his love of France and my love for him by walking solo from Le Havre hundreds of miles southward to the Mediterranean. I bought the plane ticket in 2020, canceled and rebought it many times. Ive kept my body ready for the journey for two years by running and doing several solo hikes. My French is much better than it was in 2020 as Ive trained while listening to French language podcasts. Now, finally, Im embarking on this journey. A ziplock of my fathers ashes are tucked in my backpack. Ill scatter them on French soil when I arrive at just the right spot, somewhere he might have loved, if he could still share a picnic with me. Cree LeFavour, Provincetown, Mass.

My husband and I had just started an immigration process to Canada when the pandemic began. The process kept on getting longer and longer. Now we have no idea what is going to happen and I even started seeing and feeling Canada farther from us a bit more every day. But Ive been learning new things and preparing myself to have better job opportunities. I just started a software development boot camp a few weeks ago. Ive used the pandemic as a great opportunity to go back to things I love that will also allow me to increase my chances of a better future in any country I finally end up living in. Erndira CB, Mexico City

The pandemic stole memories I could have made with my dad. For two years we skipped our annual visit and ski trip to keep him safe (hes 78). This February we showed up with gloves, hats and masks. We strapped on skis and flew down the mountain together, leaving the years of pandemic worry behind. Susan H., San Jose, Calif.

We were just forming a much needed friendship with another couple who are neighbors . Because of the pandemic, we had no contact for two years except occasional texts and brief greetings as we passed taking out trash or getting mail. We are trying to re-establish contact. I texted how much I had missed our interactions and asked if they were up to socializing yet in our pandemic world. In response, they invited us over for drinksthe first of what I hope will be many new contacts. Elaine Turner, Denver, Colo.

I missed two years of my late 20s. I dont know that Ill ever quite get them back. Ill never be that age again, that time of life again. So instead of thinking about where I should be, Im focused on what I want to do with the time I have. Now Im teaching English in Japan. Afterwards, I want to motorcycle Vietnam and learn to surf in Bali. Ive decided I cant wait for the pandemic to be over. I cant wait for the world. Im going to live my life while I still have the time. Luke, Okayama, Japan

The love of my life had planned a wonderful trip for the two of us, working around some of his health issues, and then Covid hit. While we waited and waited for travel to be safe, his condition deteriorated and he passed away almost a year ago. We cant get our plans back, but I may try to take our trip by myself when and if life ever becomes normal again. Lynn R., Houston, Texas

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Reclaiming time lost to Covid - The New York Times